I put my hair up in a haphazard ponytail, put my shoes on, and headed out into the trail. I ran hard, my legs pounding harder and faster till they hurt, but I kept going despite the discomfort.
Pain. Like I needed air, I needed the torture. I used to detest getting hurt, like when I scraped my knee on the playground or fell off my bike. I discovered that I needed the agony as I entered my teens and am currently in my early 20s. I worked out every day, constantly pushing my body to new limits.
But something was always missing. Some kind of deficiency that needed to be filled but was never actually full. So I continued to run most days. I occasionally visited the gym, but only on days when it rained too heavily to go for a run outside.
A few blocks from my apartment, I went to my best friend's house and sneaked in. Hello, this is me. From the doorway, I yelled down the hallway. I removed my sneakers and attempted to smooth back my unruly hair. I assumed that she might have company because she didn't respond soon away. She was seated in her opulent living room when I turned the corner after moving down the hall. Cross-legged on her comfortable white couch, engrossed in her laptop.
What are you doing, Jenni? I sat down next to her and questioned. She gave me a guilty glare as her smile gradually grew broader till it covered her entire set of gorgeous pearly white teeth. She was stunning. Blue eyes, blonde hair, and a trust money fit for a celebrity.
Have you been curious about my recent activities? She questioned while still grinning sheepishly.
I want to know why I've been blowing up your phone all week. Why do you suppose I moved so quickly here?
No matter where you're heading, you run quickly. I pushed her hand away as she attempted to kiss my nose. She seemed weirdly upbeat. "Cassy, I've been with a man. as a genuine man would. She was now excitedly fluttering her hands. She must have felt prompted to elaborate by my look. "So, after hearing about this website from a coworker, I felt compelled to visit it. With notarized contracts, numerous tests to pass, and other safeguards, everything is quite legitimate and secure, but it was all well worth it. Already having two sessions, it has literally changed my life. Still grinning, she exclaimed.
"Jenni, what the hell are you talking about?" I asked with an arched eyebrow. You purchased a hooker? She lost her smile and got to her feet, dropping her laptop onto the coffee table.
"No, Cass, it's not at all like that. I hired an instructor. And during the first session, we didn't even engage in sexual activity. Talking and becoming comfortable with one another were the main goals. Everybody is tidy. No pregnancy, STDs, or anything like. They instruct you on how to develop certain aspects of your sexuality. She tried to explain things to me. I could make out some of what she was saying, but not all of it. Was it even legal? I had never heard of anything like this before.
"What was the price? Then they? Whom did you share a bed with? I questioned while trying to hide my tone of judgment.
Just one, I meant they in the sense that not everyone is assigned the same person. Names and other extremely personal information cannot be shared. It is entirely commercial and it is effective. The woman was pacing the living room. "I'm not sure how many, but I do know that there are both boys and girls, and once the top guy screens everyone, he selects your teacher. Don't get me wrong, I love my instructor, but holy sh*t I wish I could have him. He is so stunning; I've never seen someone like him. Dark, tan, and enigmatic I would guzzle down the ideal tall glass of water without hesitation. My eyebrow was lifted once more when she laughed. She would not stop gushing, and I began to understand that she was taking everything very seriously. What made it worse was that it slightly aroused my interest, which disturbed me.
Why didn't you tell me earlier this week? This is just way too much knowledge at once. I poked at her.
Oh, interesting. Perhaps because I anticipated your behavior? You're 23 years old, but you still behave as though sex is a taboo subject. She mocked me with a giggle before settling back into an armchair across from the couch I was still using.
Can you blame me, then? You employed a sex educator. I assumed that your sexual life was excellent. Why do this? And I don't, simply because it's not my favorite subject. I initiated.
Well, it ought to be. Anyway, ever since I was a teenager, my sexual life has been fantastic. But it's just gotten so... boring, I don't know. I wasn't sure what I needed to change to, though. Have you heard of BDSM? She enquired carelessly.
"Sure, duh. So that's what you're supposed to learn from this guy? whips, chains, and everything else? I questioned. I felt repulsed, but I also allowed a tiny bit of curiosity to creep into my mind.
"Cassy, it goes so much deeper than just whips and chains. There is a sizable kink subculture doing things that you could never imagine, but that you would definitely adore. Believe me, I used to find it all strange. However, I so to speak broadened my horizons a little. She rubbed her fingernails as she gazed down. And I don't address him as teacher; I address him as daddy. She swiftly glanced up to see how I would respond to this revelation, a smile playing at the corner of her lips.
"Jenni! No, you don't. This time, it became so absurd that I had to chuckle.
As her cheeks became red, I realized I had offended her. How serious she was about this garbage, I couldn't believe.
You'd enjoy it as well. I admit it and am aware of it. Do not condemn something before trying it. She rose up while gritting her teeth and pretended to leave the room. I got to my feet as well, grabbing her wrist.
"Look, I apologize; I didn't want to enrage you. Since I'm new to everything, it's a little shocking, you know? Her eyes were a brilliant blue, but they weren't the same ones I had seen virtually my whole life. They were unique. Not in a negative way, but also not in a positive way. Just distinctive.
After letting out a small sigh, she sat back down and let out another one.
"I scheduled a screening for you, and since I have paid for it, you can't cancel." All of her words came out at once. I froze, my mouth slightly open.
You fucked did what, right? I barked.
"Believe me, Cass, you need this. I needed that, even though I'm not nearly as awful as you are. Trust me, please. And perhaps express your gratitude, because that thing is fairly pricey. She drew her phone out while bending her legs. I'm sending you all the details right away.
I was at a loss for words. I was honestly, utterly, and totally furious. What made her think that she wasn't as awful as I am, and why would she do this? I had to pause for a moment to gather my thoughts. I was awakened from my daydream by my phone ringing.
I'm not quite as awful as you, what do you mean? What the fuck is meant by that, you ask? I prompted.
"You act as if you have never known me my entire life because of how effectively you conceal it. When we were young, you did the entire crazy agony thing, along with all the running and self-harm. The scars are still visible. Moreover, your terrible sexual life. She said sarcastically. My cheeks sweltered in the heat.
"Why are you acting like such a snob? I'm not a slut, therefore it's not my fault that I have no idea what I'm doing in bed, okay? Additionally, you should be aware that I dislike talking about my personal experience with pain.
"Being with people doesn't make you a slut; you're simply afraid you won't be decent and have paired up with very nasty individuals. And I am aware that you prefer not to discuss it, which is why I am assisting you in taking action. She struck up.
This is crazy, Jennifer, and I have no intention of doing anything. I mumbled. I got to my feet and chewed my bottom lip while gazing out the window. I could never do something like this, wasn't there? I needed to get away from the pain, so I started to daydream. I made a turn in the direction of the hallway and moved forward to the door. Jenni unexpectedly let me go.
Just give it some thought, okay? For me?" As I headed for the door and raced as quickly as I could home, she begged me to stay. I required a lengthy, hot shower. It appeared as though I was engaged in a mental conflict, with one side urging me to act in a certain way and the other instructing me to back off completely. I became troubled by my own ideas once more. But the anguish held out its taloned finger and beckoned me.
I gently rocked back and forth while sitting on the shower floor, curled into a ball with my chin resting on my knees. Under the water, my skin pinched and tingled, distracting me temporarily from my torn thoughts.
I eventually finished and left to change. My phone rang with unread texts as I cast a quick peek at it on the counter. I pushed my respite away and swept it off the counter before opening the messages. from Jenni, all.
She sent me a text message about my screening, and I sighed and sat down on my bed to read it. On Monday at precisely nine in the morning, I had to be at a building in the city. Friday has come. The address was given, along with a suite number, and that was it. When my phone chimed once again, I gnawed at my lower lip while daydreaming.
Jenni: I apologize for surprising you with all of this at once. I'm sorry if I came across as a b*tch, but Cassy, I'm only trying to be of assistance. You've been in pain for such a long time, and I adore you. Please give it a try; if you don't like it, I assure you that I won't be offended. But please, just do it for me.
I nearly chewed my lip off as I bounced my foot over the edge of the bed. I didn't have anything significant going on in my life at all. Work, errands, home, and so forth. The last guy I dated was so brief that I'm not sure whether it even counts in my love life, which was practically nonexistent. I'd only slept with three guys before. The first person I had lost my virginity to, and because it was so uncomfortable, we only had sex once. I used to detest having sex. I then began to prefer oral after the second guy introduced it to me. I was so smitten that having sex didn't even seem uncomfortable. Before I crushed his heart, we dated for a short period of time. Simply said, the link wasn't strong enough. The third man was simply terrible in bed. He lacked the essential talent to make up for his lack of good looks and endowment. We dated for no more than a few weeks before calling it quits.
I had never experienced genuine sexual pleasure from anyone, and occasionally I yearned for it. However, I wasn't really aware of what I was missing, so it didn't bother me in any way.
I became aware that I was drenched after hearing all the sex discussion and thinking about it. It was uncomfortable because my underwear were adhering to my throbbing pussy. I had to take action in this situation. So, I grabbed my vibrating dildo and headed to the restroom. It was the one sex toy I liked and it got me all worked up since it could suction to the wall and floor.
I closed the door as I entered my bedroom. I made my bed and turned down the lights. I took off my underwear and began to finger and stroke my clit in small circles, becoming increasingly wet. When I was sufficiently wet and had begun to squeal with ecstasy, I slipped in my vibrator. I did it slowly at first, then harder and quicker until I was panting and covered in a sheen of sweat.
As soon as I activated the vibrator, I could feel myself drawing near. When I was pounding the dildo in and out, I accelerated and arched my back upwards, but it wasn't hard enough.
To ride the dildo, I got out of bed and suctioned it to the ground. I crouched down on my knees, arching my back as if someone were looking. I sat down on the dildo roughly and rode it vigorously till I was writhing in pain and clutching my breasts in my fists. I rode it harder and twisted and pulled my nipples until I cum. I started to shake uncontrollably and shouted out as I imagined a towering, tanned, muscular man who would make me call him daddy. I rolled onto my back on the chilly, hard wood floor as waves of pleasure raced through my body. My legs began to tremble as I stroked my clit in tiny circles once more to extract the last piece of my climax.
My face was massaged as I stood up. I wasn't sure if it was a good or negative thing that I had been thinking about the man Jenni had described. I was apprehensive about stepping outside of my comfort zone, but I knew I had to do it. I should have.