Coming Out To My Family

I didn't come out to my parents the way I wanted to.

I was too terrified to tell them, mostly because I grew up Catholic. And because my parents are homophobic.

I was so Catholic, I could sit, stand and genuflect on command. I could smell a first reading of St. Paul to the Corinthians coming from a mile away. And I was even awarded a medal for being an altar boy.

Both Amanda Jette Knox's partner and child have come out as trans, and the experience has been eye-opening for their family.

As for my parents being homophobic, I had many reasons to suspect this as a child.

My father said "faggot" and "queer" (pejoratively) with abandon, like when a ref made a bad call during a hockey game. Meanwhile my mother would point at people she suspected were gay, and make a limp wrist gesture to me.

I didn't know what allyship meant, but even so, I knew these people weren't allies, and I decided they were the last people I'd ever want to come out to. Their attitudes also made me feel like the world would be just as hostile. And for many, it absolutely is.

So, at first, when I was finally ready — on my 20th birthday — I began coming out to everyone but my family. After way too long hiding who I was, and some dangerous situations that tend to happen when you're trying to act on who you are, but don't have the reference or support to handle it.

Newly out, I attended my first gay bar with a friend and I slowly started to feel like I was getting to know the real me. I felt OK that my parents didn't know and may not ever know. I was starting to feel so comfortable, I put a postcard for a future gay party in my pant pocket and took it home.

My father did my laundry, and he found the flyer in my pocket while collecting my dirty clothes. I was still sleeping when he did this, because he sometimes kept odd hours, and he shook me awake and said "what is this?"

Completely out of it, I said "It's nothing, I just found it and put it in my pocket."

I then drifted back to sleep, but not before my dad shook me again and said, "Kevin, what the f—k is this? Are you gay? If you're gay you can tell me."

Frustrated, mostly because I was trying to sleep, I slurred, "Fine, I'm gay. I'm going back to bed." He went completely silent and left the room.

Nowadays, you can see some really charming — and sometimes cringey — coming out stories on social media, complete with supportive parents choking back tears that eventually flood their face.

That's not what I needed back then, but what actually happened wasn't ideal.

I just needed kindness.